Diary (07/20/2020)

Well, the past week has been a wild one.

Here we are, fresh off the entire “Sorcha” fiasco that overtook the writing community on Twitter, and even as the dust is still settling, I figured I would comment on it and then move on from it completely. While I know that people outside of Twitter and the Writing Community, in general, are still playing catch and up and want more details as to what happened, I feel like the majority of us just want to move on after doing all that we could after Scott was unmasked.

I am not going to write out his real name, but that was also discovered independently from people who worked with him professionally. Scott had to admit his real identity to people who he was paying and getting paid by, due to tax and legal purposes, and once some internet sleuths got a hold of that info, his real account was very easy to find. I am not sure who originally put the info out there, nor do I really care. Scott shouldn’t have been doing what he did in the first place, and this all would not have befallen them.

As for how I feel on the matter now? I still feel numb at times but there are times where I feel like I am past it. I think the main thing I begin to harp on is that Scott was not the first one to take advantage and terrorize me online. In fact, the amount of shit I have gotten online has far exceeded the amount of positivity I have received. I just feel like the positive outweighs the bad. Also, the negativity has been trending downwards as I begin to build a bigger readership. I think when trolls see vulnerable people they can latch on to them and attack a lot easier than if it’s someone bigger who may have others come to their defense. But I could be wrong. But I can comment on my own experience, and that is that I get way more positive responses online say compared to last year when I first started my website. So given that info, I guess it’s easy to see why I can come to that conclusion.

Also, I am not even really mad at Scott. Hurt, sure. Disappointed? Yeah. But not angry. I don’t expect others to feel empathy towards Scott, because he is a monster and clearly had a pattern of terrorizing women, but I would like people to at least consider how sad one would have to be to partake in behavior like this. People who do things compulsively, especially things as dark as preying on others, usually have a need to do it rather than a want. I am sure the post-Scott put up felt like a way out. In a lot of ways, it was, but just not in the way he intended.

It was amazing to hear the outpour of people who contacted me and wished me well and apologized for what happened. Don’t worry about me. I have my own people backing me up and I feel pretty good about the future, even with everything still going to shit this 2020.

This week has some big things planned from my end. I need to get some new stories up and move past all this negativity that keeps preventing me from writing. It isn’t even writer’s block, as I have a lot of outlines that I have been working on, but mainly issues with my depression. One other thing slowing me down is that my laptop recently went out, so that altered my writing process a bit when it comes to editing. I have a work PC but refuse to do any sort of smut writing on it, as I don’t know what these people will look for when I return to the office and feel it’s best not to chance that. I have been doing it by tablet, and while that isn’t ideal, it does the job for now. I plan on raising some money for a new computer, so if you can spare it coming up, feel free to drop me a donation. I am not shooting for anything extreme. I think a Chromebook or a Pi-book would be sufficient for writing on it these days, and each of those is around $150 or so. I am leaning towards the Pi because I used to own one before and they are really neat gadgets. The most recent model has really amazing reviews too, and I don’t really do much on my computer besides editing and an occasional poker game these days. The phone has taken over all the other tasks of my daily life, and even drafting has been done on an AlphaSmart for years.

I just feel anxious because half the year is done and I need to get some work up on Amazon and Smashwords. That was my 2020 goal, and I will be damned if that doesn’t happen. Without a computer, it makes getting artwork done a bit harder. I have friends who do amazing art, but they all have their own projects and I feel pretty competent with photo editing these days.

As for everything IRL? I got nothing. Bastardized baseball started, and even though it is altered and strange, it is somewhat comforting to hear the sounds of it through the radio in the evening while reading on the couch. My mother Zoomed me during the Yankees game this weekend and she looked the most excited I have seen her since all this mess started. I just fear that these guys are going to end up getting sick. Don’t get me wrong. I miss baseball, basketball, boxing, and all that stuff, but I also feel the need to pause before cheering on us putting these athletes at risk to entertain us. At least with sports in other countries they are seeing cases trending downwards. We in the States have been seeing a rise in a lot of areas in the country still. Those don’t make for ideal conditions, especially for some of these athletes with health issues who are able to perform through it in better circumstances.

That may be because I reside in Arizona. I live in one of the hardest-hit states in the nation when it comes to COVID so I have been in the house since the onset of this entire thing. so I am not too worried about myself getting sick, but it does look like no one knows how the virus will really hit them. But one thing I keep telling myself through this is that I can’t really do much outside of what I have already done. I have limited who I interact with as much as possible and I also have kept myself home as much as possible. Given, as a bit of a homebody, it hasn’t been that hard.

As for plans for writing? I got some stories in the pipeline and I need to get the ball rolling on the serial next week, so keep your eyes peeled and your hearts open.

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